Come Clean With Your Teen Driver

We’re Not in OZ Anymore and so far in our kid's lives we have been the all knowing, all powerful being such as the Wizard of OZ. But at the end of that movie we found out it was just smoke & mirrors and the all powerful wizard was just an ordinary average Joe from Kansas.

Now that it’s time for our teen’s to get their driver’s license, there is no place like home. There is no magic that can protect our teens while they are driving a 3,000 pound bullet down the highway. The only chance we have to protect them is by giving them real information, proper driver’s education and training. One of the first things we can do is face reality ourselves, come down off our pedestals and come clean with our teens.

Sharing Your Wisdom

We all make mistakes as drivers and hopefully can say we’ve learned from them. Parents who have made some major driving mistakes may want to share the wisdom they’ve gained with their teens to prevent them from making those same mistakes. It is important during this conversation that parents do not glamorize the events or give teens more detail than they can handle.

Here are some general steps you can follow for sharing your poor driving choices with your teen:

1. Acknowledge the truth to your teen without excusing yourself.  Your teen may be upset about being asked to do something that you did not do. (e.g. You ask your teen not to drink and drive  when your license had been revoked for a DUI as a teenager). Admit this freely. It’s ok for parents to ask their kids to do something that they know from experience is a bad idea.

2. Let your teen know that it is important enough that you have committed to be better and talk about what you’ve had to do to rectify the mistake:

   1. "I’m not proud of it, I was wrong.”

   2. “I have spent my life up to now trying to do better and will continue to work on that.”

   3. “I care about you so much and I don’t want you to have to go through what I went through.”

3. Hold your teen to the same expectations you had before this conversation.

Questions to Ask Yourself

This can be a matter of much delicacy, especially if you are telling your teen not to do something you’ve done yourself. Some important questions parents should ask in this situation are listed below.

When should I bring this up?

The most obvious time for having this conversation is when teenagers bring it up or when they are about to enter a situation where they will encounter the same choices as you did. Otherwise, be careful about what you disclose and talk to your teen about driving mistakes when you feel it is absolutely necessary for your teen’s safety.

It is better not to do overkill on the subject. Also, keep in mind that the purpose of this conversation is not to instill fear in teens or to manipulate their emotions.

How much should I tell my teen?

Provide honest answers to your teen’s questions. Be careful to disclose this information in a straightforward way that your teen will understand.

How can I help my teen understand what I went through without glamorizing the experience?

This is no time for trying to sound cool. In fact, the goal of disclosing past driving mistakes is to sound as lame as possible while still being honest. If any part of your story sounds cool, your teen’s going to want to try it.

1. Give a very general description of the events surrounding your experience. Focus on the emotional feelings that resulted from this experience, not on the event itself.

2. Refrain from using scare tactics and spare the gruesome details. These may only pique a teen’s curiosity.

3. Emphasize the losses you suffered as a result of your mistake—especially those that would be meaningful to a teen such as:

   1. Friendship losses. For example, mistakes can put pressure on friends that they aren’t ready to handle, so they leave. They don’t leave because they don’t like you anymore, they leave because it’s too painful, or they feel like they can’t relate to you anymore.

   2. Mobility. For example, injuries can make it hard to walk and limit activities such as sports, running, etc...

   3. Loss of personality. For example, you or someone close to you will never be the same due to injury, emotional trauma, etc...

   4. Family stresses: For example, tragic events can increase the probability of divorce exponentially. They can be hard on every member of the family—even younger siblings who may not have the faculties to cope with the stress.

Don’t Stop There

More and more states are adopting graduated driver’s license laws (GDL’s). These laws mandate that permitted teen drivers must practice driving anywhere for twenty to fifty hours with a licensed driver. That means you have to be involved in teaching you teen to drive. We know that this can be very stressful and many of us don’t know where to begin. That’s why we have created the Street Smarts 101 program to give parents the confidence and tools they need to fulfill the requirements of their states graduated driver’s license laws.

Teach Smart - Come Clean with your Teen!

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